The Path of Least Resistance

I have always tried to be a positive person. I will be the first to admit to a few angsty teenaged years, but as an adult I believe I have generally been quite positive. Sometimes, maintaining a positive outlook comes easily and sometimes I really have to work at it. Looking back, there are times when it may have been more beneficial for me to redirect the energy I used to channel positivity into actually allowing myself to explore where the negativity was coming from and work my way through it. While I absolutely believe in the power of positive thinking, I think that there are occasions when positivity is used as a shield. Being positive has been another tool I have used to block out my hurt and anger. While I can attest to life being much more enjoyable through the lens of positivity, being positive 100% of the time is not sustainable. More to the point, I believe it’s unhealthy and can cause a lot of damage. This idea that we need to be happy all the time is toxic. On occasions when I have allowed the negativity to take over, I have felt like a failure. Like I was too weak to overcome it. Like I was less than. I was ashamed. Now I see that shutting out the painful thoughts and being positive was simply the path of least resistance. It meant I didn’t have to deal with the pain. But sometimes the only way to heal is to sit in the hurt.

Mental Health has been in the spotlight a lot recently. It has been said that now more than ever, people are struggling. Is this true, or are people just talking about it more now? Do we all simply feel that our struggles are now more justified? It is not unreasonable to conclude that the current state of the world has contributed to the rise in mental health challenges. However, how many of these individuals had already been struggling with anxiety or depression? How many of them had kept quiet because they felt ashamed, because their anxiety and/or depression didn’t seem logical or justifiable, or simply because they feared judgment?

In our society, there seems to be this ever-present idea of forced positivity. I don’t understand why it is more desirable to be seen as happy than it is to actually be happy. When someone asks you how you’re doing, they don’t want to hear the truth. It is a polite courtesy to inquire, but all they really want to hear is that you’re “fine”. No one wants to hear the messy bits. Being seen as anything other than “fine” in the eyes of others is greatly feared. It makes everyone uncomfortable. Not that I’m advocating for a world in which everyone constantly airs their dirty laundry, but it is unreasonable to expect everyone to be ok all the time. That’s not real. Wouldn’t it be more beneficial for us to know that others have struggled, or have simply been less than “fine”, and have overcome it than to just walk around thinking that there’s something wrong with us because everyone else seems to always be ok? For me, striving to be happy and positive 100% of the time has been another unattainable feat; another way to end up being disappointed in myself. Moving forward, I will continue to maintain a positive outlook in life, but I will no longer feel ashamed on the occasions when I’m just not “fine”. No more hiding or suppressing. As humans, we need to become more comfortable with simply saying, “I’m not ok”.